just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
