I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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