I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize