our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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