dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
