I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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