Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize