I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
