sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
