I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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