There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
