You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
