he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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