its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
FUCK WHALES
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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