Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
