Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
this beer tastes like vomit already
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
