I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
