She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
