Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
