I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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