If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
