If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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