Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
How's work?
Spinning.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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