OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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