I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
