just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
