Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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