I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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