it hurts more in the daytime
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
