whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
