He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize