playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
