You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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