A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
