My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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