Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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