At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
MIDGETS
????
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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