Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
