I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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