Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
