No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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