I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
