I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
