You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
