I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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