you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
