mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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