Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
