ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
