Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
