and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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