I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
