she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
only you would photoshop your dick
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
