remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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