if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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