We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
