I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
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Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
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I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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