Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
