if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
