Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm at about main and main street
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
