I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
