I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he was CRYING into my vagina
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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