"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize