Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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