The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
