I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
