My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
this will be a night to untag.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
