Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
