Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Is it because I queefed?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
