The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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